Fox News Compilation

The following is a compilation of Fox News headlines collected by Daniel Burgner and myself. A lot of them make no sense. Some are ludicrous. All of them are barely news. Please enjoy.

"528-Pound Woman Gives Birth to First Child"

"The War on Christmas: Can Jews Celebrate Too?"

"Will Nuclear Robot Ship Sail Saturn's Moon?"

"Muslim Spies on Capitol Hill?"

"NASA to Moon: Get Ready Because Here We Come." (Every other headline was about Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize.)

"Houston Woman Fries and Eats Pet Goldfish After Fight With Husband"

"ACORN Officials Told 'Pimp,' 'Prostitute' How to Lie to IRS"

"ACORN Brothel Advice Full of Holes, Analysts Say"

"Man's Finger Bitten Off at Health Care Rally"

"Flying Deer Kills 6-Year-Old Boy in Bizarre Car Crash"

"Microsoft Edits Black Man Out of Photo, Apologizes"

"Controller Talked About Dead Cat Before Midair Crash"

"Vietnam Veteran Keeps Vow, Eats 40-Year-Old Cake"

"Indian Business Students Look to Hitler for Inspiration"

"Marines Prepare for War in Afghan Village in N. Carolina"

"Ga. Prof Suspected of Killing 3 'A Little Off'"

"Trolls Frustrate Obama"

"NASA's Secret Rebels Want Obama on Their Side"

"Japanese Man Certified as Double A-Bomb Victim"

"Coast Guard Finds Boat, One Survivor, Uncertain If It's Boat"

"Middle School Teaches AP Spanish to Kids Who Speak Spanish" (The nerve!)

"911 Call Released in Horrific Chimpanzee Attack"

"Millions Will Suffer" - I still don't know what this story was about, but I don't think it was relevant to me.

"Study: Romantic Comedies can ruin your life."

". . . helps put the 'F' in First Lady" - I did not delete anything. This headline starts with an ellipses.

"Possum May Be Extinct Due to Global Warming"

"'Oh Great': Astronaut Loses Tool Bag During Spacewalk"

"U.S. Pilot Ordered to Shoot Down UFO Over England"

"Vermont Farmer's 'Hail Cannon' Waking Up Neighbors"

"Strange 'Ant From Mars' Discovered in Amazon Rainforest"

"Michael Lohan wants to fight Kevin Federline for charity."

"Yoda the Cat Astounds with Four Ears"

"Bigfoot Body Revealed to be Halloween Costume"


Here is are some collections of headlines, highlighting what Fox News counts as news compared to what other organizations think:

CNN: Patraeus: "Afghan violence will rise as troops arrive"
NYTimes: "News Analysis: Public Option Keeps Toehold in Senate Deal on Health Bill"
Time: "CLASS Act and Long-Term Care Considered in Health Reform"
Reuters: "Obama Praises Senate Healthcare Deal"
and
FOXNews: "Family Dog Survives 98 Days on Deserted N.J. Island"


CNN: "Obama: It's time to remake America"
NY Times: "Obama Is Sworn In as the 44th President"
TIME: "Live-Blogging the Inauguration: Watching History Happen"
REUTERS: "Obama becomes first black U.S. president"
and concentrating on the positive -
FOX News: "Inauguration Crowd May Crash Cell-Phone Networks"


CNN: "Clinton will win W.Va. primary, CNN projects."
The New York Times: "Clinton Wins West Virginia, Networks say."
Time: "Clinton rolls to West Virginia win"
Reuters: "Clinton scores big West Virginia win"
and upholding its policy about never reporting any story that mentions a Clinton without the words "affair" and "perjury" -
FOXNews: "Britain Opens Up Secret UFO Files"


CNN: "Obama - New Campaign Starts after Tuesday"
The New York Times: "The Long Run - Senate's Power and Allure Drew McCain from Military"
Time Magazine: "The Dem's Endgame - Michigan and Florida"
Reuters: "GM says 19,000 U.S. factory workers take buyouts"
and possibly the best Fox News headline of all time -
FOXNews: "Huge Flying Reptiles May Have Eaten Baby Dinosaurs"